My Prayer For 2020

Wow. 2019 was a year for the books! I don’t think I have ever had a year filled with such challenges and joys all at the same time.

2019 was definitely a year of highs and lows and a rollercoaster of emotions as I experienced:

• Exhaustion of pregnancy balanced with busy work loads, 

• Anxiety of unknowns and changes and becoming a mom (“Would I be a good mom? How would I fit the “shoes” of so many amazing moms who’ve paved the way? How will I love my child well when I’m so selfish?”) , 

• Joys of new life with having our own little son,

• Frustration, sleep-depravation, and the realization of idols of wanting to control my sleep and daily schedules and the realization of my need for grace and flexibility in being a new mom (as those things don’t happen as planned after baby arrives as they did before), 

• Discouragement and feeling guilty that I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed with common new mom struggles (even though it is completely normal and I shouldn’t compare myself or downplay my struggles to moms who “have it harder” or who have more kids), 

• Isolation from being a part of church community due to this new season,

• Anxiety over unknowns with dads cancer and learning to hold everyone and every thing with open hands. 

• Fears of worrying what could happen over other uncontrollable things in life.

2019 was definitely a year of God refining my heart and bringing me to the end of myself in hard ways, teaching me to let go of so many things (sleep, expectations of motherhood, involvement with church activities, loved ones, and the desire to be appreciated by friends and others), and teaching me to trust Him to bring above something good in the hard/challenging situations.

As sweet as this past year was with having our little baby boy join our family, I am ashamed to say that:

• I let my emotions control me much of 2019.
• I let them take over and keep me from enjoying and savoring many of the precious moments God gave me. 
• I let them often keep me from looking for His hand at work teaching me through the hard times and showing me how He never left me and was with me the entire way.
• I let them often keep me from looking for His hand at work teaching me through the hard times and showing me how He never left me and was with me the entire way.
• I do not want a repeat of that this coming year.

However, when I do stop and reflect on 2019, I can also admit that I have seen God at work— even in the midst of those very hard and low points. I have seen God: 

• Humble me, 

• Equip me, 

• Stretch me, 

• Sustain me, 

• Provide for me (financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually), 

• Encourage me, 

• Refine me, and 

• Teach me as He PATIENTLY led me each step of the way. He never gave up on me. He has been my Good Shepherd that has led me through a lot of valleys this past year with a few mountaintops…. I still don’t know what lies around the corner with many unknowns and fears still looming as we enter 2020…. But the Lord is teaching me to trust Him and that I can still rejoice because “He is my Shepherd and I shall not be in want.” (Psalms 23:1)

Heading into 2020, I anticipate another year full of joys as well as lots of challenges (Grandpa’s health declining, dad’s health uncertainties with his cancer, financial needs, possible job changes, possible move across metroplex and thus possible changes in church family, etc).

One Word: FLOURISH (be watered with the Word and Truths of Christ, and trust my Good Shepherd as He leads me this year)

Thus, my prayer for the new year is:

• That I would learn to continue to fully ABIDE and flourish in Christ. May this come true as He grants me grace to be more INTENTIONAL get to know my Good Shepherd by seeking to memorize, read, study (via mom’s Bible studies, personal prayer times, church community, uplifting worship music throughout the day, encouraging podcasts) and apply His Word in order to live it out. 
• To have 20-20 vision over the hard and joyful life experiences that WILL happen (for “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33),
• And TRUST my Good Shepherd with Psalms 23 in mind: ‘The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not need or want anything else…'
• When I reflect on each moment and each day, I also want to remember: Immanuel, God is with us… He will not leave me WHEN I face more challenges and struggles in this coming year. He is my GOOD SHEPHERD Who leads me, guides me, molds me, teaches me, protects me, and is always with me through the valleys and mountaintops. And He's leading me HOME.

“Of course, the four words ‘I shall not want’ possess no magical qualities. We cannot charm away temptation simply by saying them. Rather, they are powerful only insofar as we believe the words that come before them: “The Lord is my shepherd” (Psalm 23:1). How do we know with confidence that we shall not want, even when our loves, needs, and fears say just the opposite? Because the Lord Jesus Christ is our shepherd.

Jesus spilled his blood in Golgotha’s dust so we could lie down in green pastures (Psalm 23:2). He laid his soul in the grave so ours could be restored (Psalm 23:3). He allowed the valley of the shadow of death to swallow him so that it might become for us the highway to heaven (Psalm 23:4). Every morning, he sets a table for us, filled with rich food (Psalm 23:5). Every day, he sends his goodness and mercy to chase us, surround us, and keep us safe till we reach home (Psalm 23:6).

As we entrust ourselves to this shepherd, he takes his rod and his staff, and trains our feelings to follow him: to love him, to need him, to fear him. He teaches us, day by day, that as long as we are near him, we shall not want. Even in discomfort. Even in rejection. Even in the valley of the shadow of death.” - Desiring God blogpost